Certainty is hard to guarantee on the spiritual path, however the body’s intuitive capacities often give us clear signals about who and what we can trust in our explorations.

With any teacher or guru, it is good to practice discernment as you begin to explore their work and teachings. In any spiritually-oriented practice group or healing community, it is good to be mindful of how much students are projecting supernatural powers or abilities onto the teacher. Infallibility is usually a signal for caution.

Ask questions when feeling unclear, and notice if your inquiries are welcomed, or not. If you begin to feel obligated, or made to feel guilty for questioning the teacher, or skipping events or practices, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate.

Lastly, it’s always recommended to try and understand the origins or the lineage that is being taught or practiced. Has the teacher been initiated into a lineage, or apprenticed with a reputable tradition or master teacher?

There are many potent traditions, teachings, and healing modalities available today. Some are ancient traditions with very clear lines of succession and initiation, others are “channeled or received” by highly sensitive beings with psychic abilities. And within the milieu, there are many claiming to be teachers who are still deep in their own journey of discovery, learning, and mastery.

Discernment is the key to finding and exploring authentic practices, teachings, and modalities to support your spiritual growth.

Spiritual Lineage can mean different things to different people. For clarity, in this context it means a traditional spiritual practice, body of work, or school of teachings that has been passed down from teacher to student for generations.

Buddhism is a spiritual practice that has many recognized lineages, with teachings from a common body of work, yet each lineage has unique teachings, practices, and perspectives on the most effective path of enlightenment. Lineages are passed from teacher to student through a series of Vows, Transmissions, and Initiations.

The Dagara Divination medicine is part of an ancient animistic cultural tradition, which includes many forms of initiation into the various lineages of wisdom in the culture - one of which is “stick medicine” Divination. Diviners are tapped by spirit, through Divinations, and invited onto the path of carrying the medicine. Through a series of rituals, ceremonies, and initiations, they are chosen by spirit to carry the lineage.

Many plant medicine traditions originate in ancient indigenous spiritual ceremony practices, each with its own unique way of apprenticing new medicine carriers, and initiating the next generation of teachers and ceremony leaders.

There are countless lineages and traditions with specific ceremonial and ritual practices surrounding the initiation and passing on of the privilege and responsibility of teaching and carrying the medicine. Take the time to be curious and ask about the lineage origins of new teachings, teachings, and leaders you’re exploring.

Not every person “initiated” into a lineage is truly practicing the tradition in good ways. And many people have power and valuable teachings, healing gifts, and practices worth following even if they are not directly carrying a living lineage.

Discernment and self-connection is critical to support your journey of authentic awakening.

Life is full of contradictions and confusing dynamics that cloud the ability to connect to a factual truth. While there is no way to truly “make sense” of the ways that innocent people have been harmed through manipulation and abuse in spiritual communities, there are some dynamics that are important to understand for your own safety.

Power dynamics are always present in teacher/student relationships and they are especially pronounced in spiritual communities. Be mindful of how the teacher or guru wields power, and whether they express vulnerability, humility, and make space for critical inquiry into their teachings and practices.

Covert narcissism and narcissistic abuse patterns are quite common in spiritual communities where students have alleged harmful misconduct and abuse has occurred by teachers, gurus, or senior students. Narcissism has many shades and gradations of severity. Some are annoying and unhelpful, and others are blatantly harmful and can be dangerous to the psychological and physical safety of others.

Spiritual bypassing and narcissistic gaslighting are manipulative tactics that are often used to cause confusion and dependency in an effort to control and manipulate students and followers. Spiritual bypassing is a tendency to ignore or neglect challenging truths, difficult healing journeys, or inconvenient facts along the path of awakening, instead “bypassing” and claiming “good vibes only” or “focusing on the light” as a go to practice.

Gaslighting is a manipulative practice commonly used in narcissistic abuse dynamics, to create doubt and confusion about facts and reality, often used as a defense mechanism to avoid accountability or to hide and deny abusive behavior. A common spiritual gaslighting tactic, is for a teacher or guru, when challenged or called out for bad behavior, to claim that the student is simply acting out their deeply held trauma, and just projecting their own internal wounding, falling into the victim triangle and making the teacher into the Predator or Savior.

Power dynamics, narcissism, psycho-spiritual abuse, gaslighting, and spiritual bypass are all quite tricky dynamics to navigate, especially when they’re occurring within a spiritual community that one is following.

The key is to remain vigilant in protecting your inner peace, honoring the truth you feel in your bones, and practicing deep discernment and clear boundaries when it comes to teachers, gurus, teachings, and practices that claim to hold a path to awakening and enlightenment.

It’s complicated. The teachings are not the teacher. All humans are imperfect and have the capacity to be blinded by inner confusion, egoic power, or other neuroses which can result in harm to others.

Buddhism, Yoga, and Christianity for example, are three reputable lineages that offer followers a spiritual path to connect with the divine. Many teachers and gurus claiming to share teachings with followers, have been alleged to have abused and harmed students.

The occurrence of abuse inside of spiritual communities associated with these traditions, does not by default tarnish or corrupt the traditions or teachings themselves. Yet it is complicated, and should be navigated with care on a case-by-case basis.

In the Tibetan Buddhism lineage that I follow, “Crazy Wisdom,” there are credible allegations of alcoholism, womanizing, psychological abuse, and even sexual abuse by the well-known lineage holder, the late Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Many students were harmed by his problematic behavior. This should not be ignored, and yet his writings, teachings, and practices have undoubtedly helped millions of practitioners connect more deeply with the dharma of Buddhism.

One of Trungpa’s senior students, Reggie Ray, left the Shambala Institute and founded Dharma Ocean because of controlling dynamics within Shambala. Then, in 2020 throngs of senior students alleged patterns of narcissism and psychologic abuse by Reggie in his role as Spiritual Director and Lineage Guru. Around the same time, Trungpa’s biological son, Sakyong, was alleged to have sexually abused and manipulated numerous students within Shambala.

These unrelated incidents of alleged malfeasance by teachers of two lineages emerging from Trungpa, caused both organizations to ask the accused teacher to step away from teaching, and each organization followed their own internal reconciliation and accountability process.

They are all imperfect. The communities fractured. Senior students and lineage holders left. Some students chose to stay. The teachers have shared communications with the communities to attempt to create understanding as to the reconciliation process and the path forward.

What is important is the understanding that there is not a clear black and white line between “helpful” and “hurtful” spiritual communities, teachers, or traditions. There is no way to determine without a doubt, that harm is or is not occurring. Or whether a teacher accused of wrongdoing has sufficiently addressed and reconciled for the alleged misconduct.

We must all create our own inner practice of discernment, due diligence, and meaning making, so that we can feel clear in our hearts about the choices we make, the practices we follow, and the communities we support.

If you find yourself having to make excuses, justify questionable behavior, continuously give the benefit of the doubt, or avoiding the hard questions and refusing to dig deeper into potential allegations of harm or misconduct - these are red flags that should initiate a process of more deeply evaluating your psychological and spiritual safety.

Talk to a friend or mentor about your experience. Reach out to me at From the Ashes for insight and support. Trust your gut. Act in self love above all else.

The lasting effects of traumatic experiences are intrinsically woven into the spiritual healing and growth journey.

Individuals that have experienced significant trauma, may experience disorientation, dissociation, confusion, or dysregulation of the nervous system more frequently, or to a greater degree of intensity than others.

Psychological and emotional safety are necessary states of being for a person to experience authentic transformation on a path of spiritual growth.

If you have experienced significant trauma, be mindful to address your inner healing journey, as a separate and distinct path from your spiritual awakening. The two paths are related, and can be complimentary, but it can be problematic to blur the lines too much, which can lead to spiritual bypassing.

Moments of spiritual awakening, or glimpsing states of awakened awareness, can be disorienting and potentially triggering for those with hyperactive emotional systems, or hypervigilant nervous systems.

Is is a valuable practice to “pendulate” between spiritual seeking, and self-care tending to your inner healing.

Don’t push yourself too far beyond your comfort zone, if you’re not confident in your ability to self-regulate and ground your nervous system and emotional body.

Let your healing journey be a place of refuge and integration from what you learn in your spiritual path.

And let the horizon of you your spiritual growth journey, be the playground where you explore your evolving state of wakefulness, and lovingly explore your inner and outer boundaries.

It is quite common for spiritual practitioners to experience a sense of isolation or alienation from their familiar communities, friendships, and familial relationships as the spiritual path unfolds.

This is perhaps why in Buddhism, the first sacred initiation is the Refuge Vow, in which practitioners take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha, having found themselves to be a refugee from the land and community of their origin.

Rest assured that there are others in similar moments of their journey, that are also seeking connections with fellow travelers on the path of enlightenment. And also, be mindful that part of the spiritual path is to wake up from the various relational dynamics that may have held us back from our highest potential and deepest truth.

Sometimes the spiritual path exposes deeply held dynamics in need of healing, such as attachment wounding from early childhood, codependency dynamics binding us to unhealthy relationship patterns, deeply held insecurities and need for more self-connection and self-trust.

These are very intimate and vulnerable dimensions of the inner healing journey that are unavoidable for those waking up to their inner spiritual truth, and path of awakening. Be patient and compassionate to yourself if and when you bump up against these challenging moments.

Pursuing therapy while on the spiritual path is a normal and healthy practice to support your mental health and cultivate trusting relationships where your deepest intimate truths and inquiries can be explored without judgment.

Most importantly, remember that the process of spiritual growth sometimes includes outgrowing childhood friends and unhelpful relationship dynamics that are challenging for all people involved. It is possible to support the evolution of certain relationships and friendships, but the outcome is not certain. And if you struggle to be understood, or you feel that you must walk away from a relationship that is growing toxic or unsupportive, have compassion for yourself and the others involved.

Doing your best is all you can do, and just because a relationship changes, fades away, or breaks down in conflict, doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.

The teachings of Ho’oponopono are always a helpful refuge in these kind of dynamics, and to remind yourself of the goodness in your heart, and the importance of forgiveness and gratitude in soothing the heart in moments of healing.

With patience, compassion, love, and care. Remember to lead from the heart, and if you’re feeling charged, angry, frustrated, or hurt, it may be good to take some time and space to ground your energy and clarify your inner truth before attempting to communicate further.

It is natural for people to grow close when they are following a spiritual path together. And sometimes, there comes a time where two people may grow apart naturally.

The loss of key relationships, especially spiritually significant relationships, can be painful and cause deep grief. This is natural and healthy, if both individuals are living in alignment with their truth.

Some helpful reminders in navigating spiritual or emotional conflicts:

• Self-care is more important than resolving the issue now.

• When either person becomes triggered or dysregulated, it is impossible for progress. Pause, center, ground, and return to it later.

• We all grow and learn at a difference pace, and we often identify more clearly with our inner truth, which can make it difficult to truly understand (or even listen to) to other’s perspective and point of view.

• Be generous in how you consider the other’s viewpoint, before judging them as wrong. The space of truth is vast, and there are often countless co-arising aspects of truthfulness that are distinctly different from one and other.

• If you’re feeling unsafe psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, or physically, honor your intuition and protect your inner peace. There is no solution that is worth betraying your self, or sacrificing your inner peace and safety.

• It is okay to acknowledge you were wrong, misunderstood something previously, or did not fully listen to someone’s views in the past. It is okay for the other person also. Humility and generosity of the heart make space for forgiveness and understanding.

• Not all of the issues and challenges that arise in our life, are “ours” to carry, or “ours” to solve. We all have inherited certain karma from ancestors, cultural programming, and other unseen forces - close and intimate relationships are the places in our lives where these deeper dynamics often surface and play out to be acknowledged and healed.

Ho’oponopono teaches us to always remember to take responsibility for our part of all of the dynamics, and to realize that we each have an important part in healing everything that affects any of us.

I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.

This mantra can do wonders, even if it’s just repeatedly silently to your own heart in challenging moments.